Last week, more than once, I have completely and utterly got it wrong. I have let everything overwhelm me and reacted in a way that was completely unacceptable. My reaction was a demonstration of how not to behave.
My faith tells me that I am not able to do things in my own strength, so I know that it is best when I pause and shoot up a silent 'help me!' prayer. However, on one occasion last week, it seemed that even praying out loud was not even helping. The thing was, I wanted things to change in an instant. In that moment, I wanted to be all calm and peaceful. Instead I seemed to be falling apart even more! I had found myself at a place where I just did not know what to do.
Help did come and I think I needed to be reminded that I do not have to do everything on my own. I had wanted to be able to pull myself together and get on with what I was supposed to be doing. That didn't happen and perhaps it didn't happen because I needed to fall, and then admit, in that moment, I had failed. I needed to hear the good big sisterly advice I was given and accept the practical, loving support I was shown.
I know that I fall on a daily basis and I am grateful for each new day to begin again. However what I seemed to have convinced myself, is that when I fail, when I fall, I must get up without asking for help.
It is OK to fall. It really is. What is not OK is to allow myself to think that I am a failure. Yes, in that moment, I've messed up. However, that should not determine how I think of myself for the day, week, month, and so on.
By acknowledging I fall, by being honest and real and admitting that, in this moment, I haven't got it all together, I allow those around me to see the reality of my life. I see the wonder of those people around me, being willing to get involved in the mess too. They help me get back up, dust myself off and try again. Also, I must consider whether I need to say sorry. It's OK to fall. It really is. What is not OK it to knock others down as I fall. If my reaction as I fell, hurts others, then I must say sorry and I must look to the One who holds me, to find the strength, so next time I fall more thoughtfully, trying not to knock anyone else down.