A Simple Truth

In the still and in the mess...

In the joy and in the pain...

In the peace and in the confusion...

In the laughter and in the sorrow...

In the light and in the dark...

In the order and in the chaos...

In all these things I can stand and say Great is My Lord.

As the sun brings the new day I am held in the careful hands of my Heavenly Father. 

A Lighter Load

My children, whom I love so very much, all have the ability to throw a wonderful wobble! I am sure that my parents would have said the same of me as I was growing up (now I just get it wrong in other ways!)
I can still recall when my eldest daughter decided she wanted some chocolate. When she was told she could not have any she then continued to ask, in a rather demanding fashion, for the next forty five minutes.

My role of 'being mum' repeatedly makes life seem very unfair when you are five, seven or nine. Often the response I receive is grrr, urgh, a tut, REALLY, a scream or a shout and sometimes even a growl.

There are occasions when I would love to join in the chorus of grrr's and urgh's. I want to scream, shout and stamp my feet too!

Maybe it is a way of releasing all the frustration and disappointment. However I believe there is a better way. Initially this choice requires probably as much effort as the wobbles my children have, however with practise, it can bring such peace.

These words give me encouragement, hope and strength. As each new day dawns I know that I am not alone. As I read these words I picture in my mind someone carrying the yoke with the buckets attached. In the buckets I am able to place all the things that weigh me down - my worries, hurts, resentments, bitterness, fears, feeling of injustice. My load is made lighter because there is someone willing to carry it for me. I can find rest because I can give my burdens and my weariness to Jesus. 

Without all these things weighing me down I believe I have become gentler. I no longer try to make everything 'right' because there is One who can do a much better job. Furthermore, with a lighter load it becomes easier to look up and see other people. To see how I am privileged to be sharing in their stories. 

There are times when I still want to carry that yoke myself and to hold on to my worries and my hurts. My impulse is to GRRRRRRRRRRRR until I am heard. Yet if I still my soul and come, giving my burdens to the One whose hands will perfectly carry them, then my heart stands in a far better place. 

This Is Now

I love listening to music. I can get lost in the words. I often sing like nobody is listening. Sometimes we even form our own little pop band in the car!
I like to put my music on shuffle so the next song will be a surprise. Today the next song came on and the words that really spoke to me were 'that was then and this is now'.

My now can only happen because of my then but it is my choice how I do my now. As each new day comes I can choose to do now without being restricted by my then.

Today I have been fearful of what comes next and because of my experience of then, I have found it hard to be hopeful in the now.

However I really have no idea of what tomorrow might bring. I am certain that I have no control over what comes my way although I do have control over how I react. There have been times when my reaction to people, situations, life have not been great. I have tried to control what comes next by my behaviour, by my words and by my response. I have made my now all about me and given little thought to the people around me - most of the time I did not realise how wrong I was getting it.

"With every sun comes a new day. A new beginning. 

A hope that things will be better today than they were yesterday."

I now realise that it is my choice to make now better. Each day does bring a new beginning and I do not have to be weighed down by my then. I am learning that my then can shape me as I do my now. I can learn from the wrong choices I made. I am able to choose to show love, in many different ways.

Another line of the song says, 'You'll never be that man again." I can choose to move on from what I was. I am being made new. The steps are not always easy and it can feel like I am walking through mud; though on some days I feel I might be running along the sand.

As I stand in the now, I look up and I hope that I can be better and not held back by my then. My now is new and surely it is better for me to choose love over fear. I would like to put my hope in a brighter day, a new view and a better way to love.

Casting Crowns 'This Is Now'

Take Another Step

As usual I walk into Lily's room to say goodnight. As usual she is fast asleep, yet as I lean over to kiss her goodnight she moves and pulls me to her and she hugs me tight. For that moment all is good and I am showered with blessings.

It is tempting to stay in that moment but I must continue on, step by step. Along with every sun come new steps to tread, however I am often wary and I no longer step with such assertiveness.

I do not consider it a bad thing to be wary and less certain in my steps as it means I rarely jump in feet first. I also seek guidance before I keep stepping on.

So, I take another step...I have no idea what I will be stepping into. However if I keep close in my sight the snapshot of Lily reaching out and holding onto me, this reminds me of what I am.

I am held. I am loved. I am secure. 

Always, I am these things, not just in that one moment.

So do I need to worry about what my next step will bring, no I believe I do not. The next step may bring loss or it may bring love. It may bring uncertainty or it may bring unexpected joy. Whatever I walk into, I walk knowing I am where I am meant to be. I hope that I am bold enough to keep stepping on knowing I will be guided by hands that delight in giving hope and by hands into which I can lean.