Pieces

I am broken. I have been brought to my knees and I am in pieces. In my head I see a wrecking ball which swung, smashed into me and I came apart. 

I did not want to stay smashed so I began the process of building myself back up. I started to put the pieces back together again. This is a slow journey and I believe I will always be a work in progress. Sometimes the wrecking ball swings again and smashes into me, however each time this happens I am now not completely knocked apart. 

With every sun comes a new day and the choice to rebuild, reshape and correct who I am. Being broken meant that I came apart and as those pieces of me come back together, they come together in new and different ways. Bit by bit, piece by piece, I am being built into something better. There are pieces that are built back on that need to be chiselled off because, I am a work in progress. 

Being broken was not something I would have chosen as it hurts in so many ways and it brings mess, such a lot of mess. Yet, with the brokenness comes beauty and the beauty is found in the One who gives me strength to face each new day. 

There are loving hands that are gently placing those pieces back together. There is a love that looks upon me and is proud of me. This love is committed to me and tenderly reshapes and remoulds me. 

"Unreserved, unrestrained,

Your love is wild for me

It isn't shy, it's unashamed

Your love is proud to be seen with me

You don't give Your heart in pieces

You don't hide Yourself to tease us

Your love's not fractured

It's not a troubled mind

It isn't anxious

It's not the restless kind

Your love's not passive

It's never disengaged

It's always present

It hangs on every word we say

Love keeps its promises

It keep its word

It honours what's sacred

'Cause its vows are good

Your love's not broken

It's not insecure

Your love's not selfish

Your love is pure"

I am so grateful for the lyrics to this song, Pieces for they tell me how much I am loved. When the wrecking ball shattered me in to pieces, I lifted my gaze and looked to the One who loves me unreservedly. I am covered by a 'Love that is proud to be seen with me'!! WOW!! I can find strength in this love that comes without any condition and accepts me broken as I am. With every sun, I know I am being made new and with that Love walking beside me, together we continue placing those pieces back together. 

Front Page News

I sell a story - a front page. I would prefer that people did not know how I am truly feeling so I am going to hide my struggles and my mess.
Instead I will put on a brave face and show everyone else that I am OK. I will smile and make sure I do not let anyone past the surface - my front page news. I want people to like me so I will put on a show and be what I think they want me to be!

STOP THE PRESS! I am going to change my headline, rather than trying to spin a story, I am choosing honesty.

With every sun comes an opportunity to change my thinking and as I do this I am learning that honesty changes. Vulnerability and openness may provide comfort to others. I do not believe that I need to share all my news to all people; however is that one person, in that one moment, in need of me letting my guard down so they can share too?

Life can be hard! Life can be a struggle and I am discovering that I do not need to hide this away. I am not perfect, far from it in fact, and I no longer wish for anyone to think that.

My front page involves messing up, saying the wrong thing and thinking things I should not. My front page also tells about love, shared moments and laughter. Life is a bit of a mix of the good and the not so good - I am choosing to be real and I hope my front page is beginning to reflect that choice.

I am finding that sharing enables others to share and then we can support one another. I believe I was put where I am for a purpose and if I pretend to others around me, how is that of benefit or help?

Jesus did real and He reached out to those around Him and He made a difference. Jesus touched the lives of the people He met and left them changed.

This new day, I hope I can be bold and choose not to hide myself from the people I meet. Today, I  would like to sell a new story, one that reads true.

Immeasurably More

Just over a week ago I had the privilege of walking alongside a young boy who conquered his fear and was then so proud of himself. As I spent time with him we talked and he began to mention something that was bothering him. He was fearful of an activity he was soon going to do and the closer the activity got, the more and more he mentioned it. I listened to him as his fear took over and worry filled his mind. However, when the time came, he was able to do more than he had imagined and to see the relief, delight and courage he then experienced was so wonderful.

Walking with this young man caused me to really think. As I tried to encourage him out of his fear, I considered how often I make so much more of a situation or an experience because I worry. I imagine all the terrible outcomes and in most instances my worries and fears are unnecessary.

Whilst talking with him I realised that I measure my new experiences from my past experiences. Sharing a moment with this young man really challenged me to think how I respond to feelings of fear. I have a choice to either let my thoughts run away with me or to stand still in that moment of fear. I can choose to turn my thinking around and remind myself that this is a new day and that these are new steps I am treading. My thoughts and feelings should not be held captive to my past and I am able to find new opportunities in knowing I have the strength to walk these new steps.

Today, my intention is to not listen to fear if it comes knocking and instead I hope to experience even more than I can ever imagine.